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Really good for trimming stuff in your garden. Not so good for trimming your pubic hair. Don't try it lads. It's a really bad idea.

I'm getting a bit sick of this. Seems like every pigeon in Norton has decided to treat my back garden and my garage as their shag palace. I have nothing against pigeons, but it is pretty annoying when I'm in the conservatory, and every time I look out of the window there's some filthy pigeon...

He did this to me the other day, so I'm going to do it to him. He probably won't be reading this yet because he's gone away for a few days. That means that I can say anything I want about the short-@rsed, decorating obsessed, daft old bug*er and he won't know anything about it until he gets...

I'm pretty sure that WeeGord didn't start one of these last night so I'll do it now. The bum faced folk don't celebrate Easter in the same way as you regular people do. As the leader of the clan, I had to nail a bunny to a cross and throw some eggs at it. That's just what's expected of me. It's...

Have you got any of it yet? Just started snowing here in Norton. The dog loves a bit of snow.

He hasn't posted on here in ages. I hope that he's okay.

Just asking.

I didn't get a Twin Peaks t-shirt for Christmas this year. I always get a Twin Peaks t-shirt. I must have been really naughty this year. Santa hates me.

A thread for films about dogs. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093132/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0420548/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094713/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2844798/

I'm approaching five thousand posts on here now and I only have five angries and twenty eight sads. It feels like I'm doing something wrong.

Not happy about that. It doesn't even feel that cold. I'm blaming Starmer for this, the useless chunt.

Just asking.. .

I can see you lurking mate. Are you one of my people? Were you not at that meeting, when I told all the rest of the bumfaced lads not to post on here? There isn't enough room on this board for more than one bloke with a bum for a face.

I don't start threads very often but I was thinking about this today and I'd be interested to hear about other FMTTM members experiences. I've mentioned my student job in a campus bookshop on here before and how awful it was. But I think that it was the direct sales door knocking job that I had...

I'll start it if WeeGord isn't around. I'm starting on the Stella again and listening to Helen Love at the moment. It's the wrong night for this song but I'm not bothered about that: Enjoy your weekend lads.

Pull your finger out WeeGord you lazy git.

This is probably just me being stupid but can anyone explain why I get alerts when somebody posts on a thread that I've posted on sometimes but not all the time? Doesn't seem to make much sense to me.

And a lovely kiss on the lips? A proper wet smacker, not just a half hearted peck. If so, just PM me and I'll send them to you for a small but very reasonable fee. No refunds. And this offer is not open to HarryVegas. Bloke can't keep his hands to himself.

. . . and I'm not really comfortable with that label. Could admin maybe fix it so that I can just be an 'active member' again? I'm not ready for this kind of fame and notoriety. I prefer to just remain in the background. .

And it's about football. I quite like it. Does anyone else on here like football? Bit of a silly game when you think about it but there's just something about it that gets the blood pumping. I like that 'Boro' team the best. They're a bit crap but in a really endearing kind of way.