Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[Holgatewall]

A man walks into a bar full of Hells angels.They start calling him names and generally being aggressive.

After a while the guy gets up and walks out with the bikers sneering and laughing at him.

The bikers say to the barman ' He wasn't much of a man'.

The barman replied 'not much of a driver either, he's just backed into and wrecked a load of motorbikes '

 

[dooderooni]

Two cats are about to have a swimming race. One cat is called ‘One Two Three’ and the other is called ‘Un Deux Trois’.

Which cat won the race?

One Two Three of course.

Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Very clever that one Adi

 

[spanishman]

Very clever that one Adi

Two cats...

Yep. That is one of my favourites as well.

 

[El Guapo]

Of all the sausages for sale in the supermarket the German ones are the wurst!

 

[FatCat]

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker...

...But when I got home, I realised, all the signs were there.

 

[MrIsaac]

I’m planning to sell my entire collection of John Lennon records on EBay.

Imagine all the Paypal!

 

[MrIsaac]

I decided to make a visit to PC World, last week.

Jeez, didn’t realise you’ve got to be so careful what you say, in there!

 

[BlindBoyGrunt]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

What did the Spanish fireman call his twin sons?

Jose and Hose B

 

[Lemmy_kilmister]

I've just got a job polishing mirrors.

It's something I can see me doing for a while....

 

[xxlshirts_fit_all]

My mam said I would never build a car out of eggs and flour....

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta...

 

[davidmills]

Best post on the new board by far

 

[Foggysfplandiet3]

Some of these are brilliant! Far better than what wins that award at the fringe every year for best joke. Keep em coming!

 

[goalscrounger]

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

You excel at dad jokes!

 

[Lemmy_kilmister]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk Into a pub. The barman said "is this some kind of joke?"

 

[FatCat]

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

 

[FatCat]

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him: “My door is always open

 

[SmallTown]

Exit signs: they're on the way out

 

[swordtrombonefish]

I have a Russian friend who's a sound technician.
And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.

 

[swordtrombonefish]

Does anyone remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.

 

[Murphy04]

A white horse walks in a pub and asks for a whisky,
The barman says "Certainly sir what type of whisky do you want? We have Johnnie Walker whisky, Mackinlays whisky and we've even got a whisky named after you!!"
The white horse says, "What, Eric?"