Dad Jokes - all welcome!


Well-known member
A man walks into a bar sits down and places a large bag on the floor. He opens the bag and out walks a little man, no bigger than a foot tall. He heads towards the pub piano, climbs up onto the piano stool and starts playing classical music.

The barman asks the customer, "What's going on here mate ? Where did you get that the little fellow ?"

The customer says "there's a genie outside your door, he gave him to me. If you hurry you might be able to catch him".

The barman runs out of the pub to find the genie. A minutes later theres a hell of a commotion and thousands of ducks quaking all over the street.

The barman runs back into the pub and says" You didn't tell me he was a bit deaf. I asked for a million bucks not ducks"

The customers says "You don't think I asked for a 12 inch pianist did you ?"


Well-known member
On the back of the world turning joke, I told my daughter that one and she didn't like it. I asked her to make up her own joke about planet earth. She couldn't, so I made this up. A penguin is on the penguin dating app called pick up a penguin, in any case the penguin swiped right on a sexy polar bear. It didn't work out, they were poles apart.


Active member
Oh doctor you’ve got to help me.
What’s the problem?
My husband is sex mad. Yesterday I bent over the freezer to take out a chicken and he jumped on me from behind.
Hmm. How long have you been married.
Just over a week.
Well that explains it. He’s just full of beans after getting married.
I understand that, but this happened in Tescos!!


Well-known member
I pulled a gypsy girl last night. She asked if I wanted to go back to hers for a good time.

She wasn’t kidding either......... Waltzers, Dodgems, Ghost Train..... everything.

I even come back with a gold fish.