Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[FatCat]

**** BREAKING NEWS!! ****

LEWIS HAMILTON TO RETIRE!!

It has been reported he wishes to leave F1 to pursue a career in music, however his request to join the group, Musical Youth, was rejected on the basis that he could not pass the dutchie on the left hand side!!

#imf1fan #race #maxverstappen #formula1 #LH44 #LewisHamilton #F1

 

[Lefty]

'What would you like for Xmas?'

'I've always wanted a model of Everest'

'To scale?'

'No, just to look at.'

 

[Lefty]

What was Schrödinger's favourite novel?

A Tale of Two Cities.

Right from the first line.

 

[Lefty]

 

[FatCat]

 

[Lefty]

If like me you've ever been accused of being born in a barn and want to chat about it, remember, my door is always open.

 

[Carlos Fandango]

Die Hard is the greatest Christmas film ever...

Hans down!

 

[chocolate_sandwich]

Today the Newcastle United team visited an orphanage in Newcastle.
”It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jimmy age 6.

 

[Jollyroger]

It wa Xmas morning and Snow White and the Seven dwarves we’re all in bed feeling Happy. Happy got out so they all felt Grumpy!!

Merry Christmas!!

 

[HarryVegas]

My parents were both dwarfs. All their lives they struggled to put food on the table.

 

[Lefty]

I’m giving up drinking for a month.
I’m sorry, that came out wrong.
I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

 

[HarryVegas]

My daughter just asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl.

I said "No, I didn't even know he could."

 

[HarryVegas]

Walking around my farm early this morning, I thought I heard Tubular Bells, but it was just my cold field.

 

[Jollyroger]

Husband sees his wife ironing her bra. He says I don’t know why you’re ironing that ,you’ve got nothing to put in it. To which she replied she irons his underpants!

 

[sweet_left_foot]

 

[HarryVegas]

 

[Lefty]

 

[sweet_left_foot]

What's E.T. short for?
He's only got little legs.

 

[Borobuddah]

Any man who thinks a woman’s place is in the kitchen……..



should remember where the knives are

 

[Lefty]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1477768585862856704