Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Gold's top 10 cracker jokes of 2020

1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.

7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.

9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.

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I also went into the chemist, and I asked the assistant if they stocked urine bottles. She said no and asked if I had tried Boots. I said yes but it ran out of the laceholes......
 
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I used to sit next to Noddy Holder at school. The teacher was always catching him eating snacks.
One day she snapped and shouted, "What are you eating now?"

Noddy replied, "IT'S CRISPS MISSSSSS!"
 
I have one. A man goes to buy a car and the salesman shows him a big SUV. The customer asks "Cargo space?" the salesman replies "No, car go road."
 
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