Dad Jokes - all welcome!

My last girlfriend worked at a zoo she came home one day with a suspicious stain on her top. When I asked her about it she went apeshit.

So we split up. My new girlfriend is an epileptic, talk about fit.
 
If they want to speed up the vaccination roll out they should just get Amazon drivers to do it as part of their deliveries. They'd have the whole population vaccinated by monday. Or saturday if they have prime.
 
I have a friend who is a fighter pilot, but because of the lockdown he’s off work. I asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he’s at a loose end, and he jumped at the chance.

I must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.🛩️
 
“Where are we going son”?

“I’m taking you to get the AstraZenica Dad”.

“I’m not having one of them. There’s nowt wrong with me Moggy 1000”.
 
The other day my car sat nav asked me to turn around when possible, I did that and then I couldn't see where I was going.
 
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All these so called 'Super Villain' enemies of Spider Man and none of them thought to put him in a bath tub???
 
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