Ever wished you were dead?

I've been there several times but I'm the last person who should be trying to give anyone else advice about how to deal with it. I have my own methods and coping strategies that just about work for me but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone else. I used to burn my own work all of the time because I thought that it was rubbish and that I was useless. Used to drive my agent nuts. Three failed suicide attempts but it turns out that I'm just really crap at trying to kill myself. It just never worked. I'm struggling a bit now but I have people who rely on me so I can't do anything silly.
 
I've been there several times but I'm the last person who should be trying to give anyone else advice about how to deal with it. I have my own methods and coping strategies that just about work for me but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone else. I used to burn my own work all of the time because I thought that it was rubbish and that I was useless. Used to drive my agent nuts. Three failed suicide attempts but it turns out that I'm just really crap at trying to kill myself. It just never worked. I'm struggling a bit now but I have people who rely on me so I can't do anything silly.

Don't you stop posting either, mate.
 
The best advice I was given was to force myself to do the little things. For instance - just making the bed after I got up. That way, if I had a horrendous day, at least I was coming home to a made bed.
I just need to keep myself occupied. That's why I read so much and watch so many films and walk the dog until he's exhausted. If I have time to think then my brain tells me that I'm pretty much dead already and that it's all just going to get worse as I get older. It isn't pleasant having your own brain hate you as much as mine does. But I can deal with it now. I have to. The suicide attempts were when I was young and stupid. I actually find it pretty funny now when I think about them. One of them in particular. I didn't find it funny at the time though.
 
aet - mailed me to tell everyone he is OK and he is very thankful to everyone for their kindness.
He is taking a break from posting for a little while - but just so you don't worry - he has been in touch.
I would say for any of those people that do communicate with him outside of the site please do send him a post - he is very lonely so am sure he would be grateful for the communication.
Thanks for that update Rob, much appreciated. Take care aet mate.
 
I just need to keep myself occupied. That's why I read so much and watch so many films and walk the dog until he's exhausted. If I have time to think then my brain tells me that I'm pretty much dead already and that it's all just going to get worse as I get older. It isn't pleasant having your own brain hate you as much as mine does. But I can deal with it now. I have to. The suicide attempts were when I was young and stupid. I actually find it pretty funny now when I think about them. One of them in particular. I didn't find it funny at the time though.

That’s what I tried, I tried to keep busy and keep myself distracted but it was only ever a temporary fix for me. I couldn’t reccomend MIND enough, I tried all sorts with them, the only thing that worked for me was recognising that I wasn’t alone, an they put me in group CBD sessions.

For me it’s about taking stock of the little things, I think society tries to paint this picture that you should be this and that, by a certain age. Once I stopped paying attention to that and started focusing solely on what I could do to make my days easier for myself I found myself in a better place.

Still not perfect, but there are days I feel genuine happiness. It’s just around the corner mate, always. Just need to figure out how to turn it.
 
That’s what I tried, I tried to keep busy and keep myself distracted but it was only ever a temporary fix for me. I couldn’t reccomend MIND enough, I tried all sorts with them, the only thing that worked for me was recognising that I wasn’t alone, an they put me in group CBD sessions.

For me it’s about taking stock of the little things, I think society tries to paint this picture that you should be this and that, by a certain age. Once I stopped paying attention to that and started focusing solely on what I could do to make my days easier for myself I found myself in a better place.

Still not perfect, but there are days I feel genuine happiness. It’s just around the corner mate, always. Just need to figure out how to turn it.
What are group CBD sessions, Scrug?
 
That’s what I tried, I tried to keep busy and keep myself distracted but it was only ever a temporary fix for me. I couldn’t reccomend MIND enough, I tried all sorts with them, the only thing that worked for me was recognising that I wasn’t alone, an they put me in group CBD sessions.

For me it’s about taking stock of the little things, I think society tries to paint this picture that you should be this and that, by a certain age. Once I stopped paying attention to that and started focusing solely on what I could do to make my days easier for myself I found myself in a better place.

Still not perfect, but there are days I feel genuine happiness. It’s just around the corner mate, always. Just need to figure out how to turn it.
I guess different things work for different people. I'm way too proud to ask for help from professionals. And I had an ex girlfriend who tried the whole cognitive behaviour therapy stuff to help her with her panic and anxiety attacks and it didn't work at all. I had to turn down work when she was at her lowest because I was too worried about her to leave her by herself. The distraction and the booze thing has worked for me for the last thirty years. But like I said upthread I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. I'm a lot better these days then I used to be. Being back in Teesside with my family nearby helps. The suicide attempts were all when I'd moved to the other end of the country and had just broken up with my girlfriend and work wasn't going well and I felt completely alone. I don't know why I'm sharing all of this on here. I never usually talk about it unless I'm talking to my closest friends.
 
I guess different things work for different people. I'm way too proud to ask for help from professionals. And I had an ex girlfriend who tried the whole cognitive behaviour therapy stuff to help her with her panic and anxiety attacks and it didn't work at all. I had to turn down work when she was at her lowest because I was too worried about her to leave her by herself. The distraction and the booze thing has worked for me for the last thirty years. But like I said upthread I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. I'm a lot better these days then I used to be. Being back in Teesside with my family nearby helps. The suicide attempts were all when I'd moved to the other end of the country and had just broken up with my girlfriend and work wasn't going well and I felt completely alone. I don't know why I'm sharing all of this on here. I never usually talk about it unless I'm talking to my closest friends.
Thanks for sharing mate. When you're brave enough to reach out, you never know who may read and think, "I'm not alone".
 
The one thing I refused to do was have a drink. I went from going out 3 or 4 times a week plus Boro, to nothing. I felt as if it was a way of punishing myself for making the family so miserable. My children were both teenagers then.


I did take medicine, but after 6 months every other day then after 9 I stopped.

All I can say, in my case I just kept going, life did get better, but on the odd day, not very often the cloud returns.
 
aet - mailed me to tell everyone he is OK and he is very thankful to everyone for their kindness.
He is taking a break from posting for a little while - but just so you don't worry - he has been in touch.
I would say for any of those people that do communicate with him outside of the site please do send him a post - he is very lonely so am sure he would be grateful for the communication.
Thanks for the update, Rob. I was thinking earlier had I better give you a shout or admin, as this was seriously getting tense and the thought of him being out there and no one knowing for sure was niggling me badly like it will have been doing to the rest of us on here .. he needed some kind of assistance/maybe hospital

I worried and I hope he has found the help in whatever form it is, or at the very least he's going to rest for a few days. Maybe figure things out.

I just want him to feel better again.

And then there's always us fellow FMTTMers who have been great in situations like this and offer to meet up, whenever he wants to chat, coffee, beer, a game, dinner whatever ... no pressure

Thanks for the update, once again, Rob. means a lot X
 
Back
Top