Ever wished you were dead?

We all have, mate, we all have. No one gets to our ripe old age without messing up. Rodrocks is right, take your compliments like the bitter tasting medicine they are ;)
It's something that I do a lot mate and I shouldn't because I don't own a time machine and I can't change the past. I'll find myself going over all of the bad things that I've ever done and all of the bad decisions that I've made and all of the people that I've hurt over the years by behaving like such a d*ck. I don't really think that I am a good person. I try to be but if you have to try then you're not really a good person at all are you?
 
I don't really think that I am a good person. I try to be but if you have to try then you're not really a good person at all are you?
Of course you are. Every day we make choices; some work out, some don't. Neither make us 'good' or 'bad' people. The fact you've gone out of your way to reach out on here to someone suffering is a big, and very good thing. Be kinder to yourself.












Yer big f**ken doyle!
 
feeling humbled and slightly in awe of all the wise words, honesty & respect of all the comments in this thread. you are all very gifted at expressing what you are going thru. bumface's humour has always got me, & now I know the pain behind it. depression is rife in our familys genes too, like bumface I have used coping mechanisms for years, and have kept it under control. respect to you all.

and I can confirm..... not only boro fans get depression!
 
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It’s happening again.

Drove my car deliberately dangerously tonight but still couldn’t manage to kill myself.

Can’t even manage to do that right.
 
It’s happening again.

Drove my car deliberately dangerously tonight but still couldn’t manage to kill myself.

Can’t even manage to do that right.
Then stop trying you daft sod. It never works anyway. Trust me on this. I tried it three times in one year and I never succeeded and it was stupid and selfish of me to do that. I know that it can be hard mate but suicide just isn't an option. Imagine what it would do to the people who love you. I still feel guilty about it now because it would have destroyed my parents if it had ever worked. Talk to someone mate. Talk to me. Send me a message on here and we can have a chat. Don't do anything daft. I won't stand for it. I'll find you and give you a proper telling off if you do anything silly.
 
Then stop trying you daft sod. It never works anyway. Trust me on this. I tried it three times in one year and I never succeeded and it was stupid and selfish of me to do that. I know that it can be hard mate but suicide just isn't an option. Imagine what it would do to the people who love you. I still feel guilty about it now because it would have destroyed my parents if it had ever worked. Talk to someone mate. Talk to me. Send me a message on here and we can have a chat. Don't do anything daft. I won't stand for it. I'll find you and give you a proper telling off if you do anything silly.
It’s one horrific affliction.
I know I’ll do it one day.
 
It’s one horrific affliction.
I know I’ll do it one day.
It is horrific but you just have to learn how to handle it. You're welcome to send me a private message any time if you want to talk. I know what it's like. I still feel that way sometimes myself but I can trick my brain these days and drag myself out of it. Sorry for not replying sooner. I was walking the dog. All the best to you mate.
 
No, never. I'm an atheist and don't believe in any promised afterlife, so determined to make the most of this one and only life I have for as long as I have it. Have sometimes half wanted other people to die though...
However, I fully understand how much anxiety, depression etc can seriously impact on people's lives and cause life-long problems and lead to early, tragic deaths.
Hang in their AET and hopefully there's light for you at the end of your tunnel.
And don't be afraid to talk to people and seek help.
 
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We are all ready to listen.(y)
Its probably suprising how many people on here have their own experiences of mental health issues - and understand how it effects others.
Exactly this. I’m on the other side of this, my best friend, soulmate, wife, misses, call her what you will, suffers terribly from depression, anxiety and everything in between.

It’s really the worst of times for me when she is suffering, so what she is going through I can’t even begin to imagine, but I would be devastated if she wasn’t here.

Please hang in the aet.
 

Mate, the link above has lots of numbers of crisis teams in your area.
As daft as it sounds, why not spend a couple of hours just ringing them? You've nothing to lose and just might, might, get to talk to the person who can totally relate to how you're feeling and can help you right now.
 


This is a TED talk from a fella called Johann Hari - he wrote a book about depression that blew my mind - LOST CONNECTIONS. HE was on anti-depressants for years. Listen to his talk and you will no doubt feel some of what his says will resonate with you.

Please buy a copy of his book - it is excellent and from a man who has been through the NHS anti-depressant rigmarole.


and some second hand copies available....

 

Mate, the link above has lots of numbers of crisis teams in your area.
As daft as it sounds, why not spend a couple of hours just ringing them? You've nothing to lose and just might, might, get to talk to the person who can totally relate to how you're feeling and can help you right now.
I’ve tried all of those over the years.

Life line will only talk to you for 30 mins.

NHS 111 is both confusing and impossible to access. And once they realise you aren’t standing on the roof about to jump lose interest.

The nhs trust decided I needed CBT which didn’t help.

Mind wouldn’t offer me face to face councelling. And gave my details to another service who won’t either.

Hopeless.

I really would be better off dead
 
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Have you considered a dating site to help with the loneliness? You may well find a soul mate and someone to share your thoughts and experiences with.

You need to learn to embrace all your good qualities and learn to love yourself for what you are and not struggle with your sexuality.

There will be someone out there for you to share life's journey with.

Set yourself little goals each day which are achievable and will help boost your confidence.

I bet you would be amazed at the amount of people who you would perceive to be brimming full of confidence yet are themselves plagued with insecurity and are putting a massive front on.

I wish you well in your quest for happiness,dont give up hope AET
 
Have you considered a dating site to help with the loneliness? You may well find a soul mate and someone to share your thoughts and experiences with.

You need to learn to embrace all your good qualities and learn to love yourself for what you are and not struggle with your sexuality

Yes.

They are all brutal and utterly horrendous experience. No one is interested in anyone over the age of 40.

I have no idea how to meet anyone nice.
 


This is a TED talk from a fella called Johann Hari - he wrote a book about depression that blew my mind - LOST CONNECTIONS. HE was on anti-depressants for years. Listen to his talk and you will no doubt feel some of what his says will resonate with you.

Please buy a copy of his book - it is excellent and from a man who has been through the NHS anti-depressant rigmarole.


and some second hand copies available....

Hi AET
This really is an excellent TED talk. The book is also available on Audible. You might not fancy reading the book while you're depressed but the audio version is a lot more digestible.
 
Because I wish I was.

Not a single day goes by without me thinking about it.

I hope some on here never experience the loneliness I have, and feel as worthless as I do on a daily basis. I’m nothing to anyone.

I hope i don’t wake up in the morning but I know I will.

I previously was a teacher , I was diagnosed with moderate depression and severe anxiety during the role . If you genuinely are feeling like this op , then you have severe depression.

Admittedly , I can’t advise the best course of action as your situation was different to mine, but you need to be telling your gp you’re having these feelings op . Because it’s serious . If you’re struggling to get ahold of your gp , then you really need to force it. Even if it’s meds to temporarily alleviate the problem then it’s worth it. You can then discuss more long term methods to get out of it

I hope you get the help you need. Depression is a very serious medical condition
 
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