Life is hard.

sadgit said:
Just noticed my profile picture, I think I will be watching Napoleon Dynamite tonight. Always good for a laugh
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Agree mate, one of my favourite films hence the username .

I hope you are in a good place, and keep doing wat you're doing because there are people who care about you, even if they don't know you. All the best ❤️
 
Sharing stuff like this is massive for folks out there going though problems. Hats off to you sadgit for taking the time and energy to do that.. I imagine that alone must have been hard let alone everything that you are going though. Keep sharing folks and keep talking. One step at a time x
 
I had a good couple of weeks and then I decended into a jibbering wreck last week. I even went into the gym for the 1st time. It doesn't take much to knock me now. Suicidal thoughts came back but too scared to do it. Not sure why I am posting, I just feel I need to do so. Living in a room in a families house still, might be back to the car next week.
 
sadgit said:
I had a good couple of weeks and then I decended into a jibbering wreck last week. I even went into the gym for the 1st time. It doesn't take much to knock me now. Suicidal thoughts came back but too scared to do it. Not sure why I am posting, I just feel I need to do so. Living in a room in a families house still, might be back to the car next week.
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Think back to the good couple of weeks. What happened then? What brought you to that? try and aim for recreating any positive situation.

But please, please hold on. You're stronger than you think simply by posting and sharing on here. Keep talking, keep pushing.
 
SmallTown said:
Think back to the good couple of weeks. What happened then? What brought you to that? try and aim for recreating any positive situation.

But please, please hold on. You're stronger than you think simply by posting and sharing on here. Keep talking, keep pushing.
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I did things I enjoy, yoga, hiking. When I get into these moods, I stop eating and sleeping. No food or sleep for 3 days now. I literally stare at the walls. So I have no energy to do anything. I sound like a nut job looking for attention, but I'm not. I just wished I'd never opened up as it has made me so much worse. I know I need to own this and only I can get me better, but F***ing hell the dark thoughts..
 
sadgit said:
I have stayed with a friend for the last week and the last 2 nights in hotels. Before that I lived in my car for a week at South Gare (again) before a Policeman followed me home to make sure I was ok, as I had ran my battery flat listening to the radio. I often forget that we really are surrounded by some amazing people. This guy could see I was in a right state and made me sit in his car and talked openly about his own issues. He then spoke to my wife for 30 minutes, he didn't need to do that . I'm going to go live in a room for a month from tomorrow to give my wife some space.

I never knew life could be this hard. As in your head, the pain, they torture you put yourself through,.

I have a call with Impact shortly, then I will head to Pools for an Andy's Man Club meeting. Without the support I get from talking to people, I don't even want to think about, what might have been. If you are struggling, just talk. If you are scared to talk, just talk. I want to find the real Mark, it has been 3 years next week when I cracked, I just want to be me again.
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Hello Mark. Hope this helps: it may not feel like the "real" you at the moment. In there somewhere under all the pain is the Mark who has had "good" experiences and good times in his life. I wont go too deep. The "pain" you feel is real to you - no one can tell you any different. If five minutes on here helps you to cope and manage the pain - even for a short while - see this [if you wish] as the safe space. You can open the door any time you like.
Take care.
 
Thanks R00fie1, I used to be ashamed of this but I'm not anymore, hence I use my real name and say which AMC meeting I go to.
I watched a documentary about Tony Slattery 4 years ago and thought how can you become like that. And here I am. Not wallowing in self pity but once you get like this, it is hard to get out of it.
 
sadgit said:
I did things I enjoy, yoga, hiking. When I get into these moods, I stop eating and sleeping. No food or sleep for 3 days now. I literally stare at the walls. So I have no energy to do anything. I sound like a nut job looking for attention, but I'm not. I just wished I'd never opened up as it has made me so much worse. I know I need to own this and only I can get me better, but F***ing hell the dark thoughts..
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Can you go back to that? the hiking? the Yoga? can you take time to do that. Both sound like great ways to just meditate a bit and hopefully keep the dark thoughts away.

And no, you really don't sound like a nut job. You sound like someone who knows they are struggling and needs to do something about it. Talking about it, whether on here or in real life is the very thing you should be doing. Human connections are important, even ones over a message board. Hang in there, keep talking, keep fighting the hard times. It may be impossible to see at the moment but there will be happier times ahead.

Also, please don't talk about owning this and sucking it up. Try and stay away from the negative talk. Think of a friend if they were in the same position? Would you talk to them like that? No I doubt you would, you'd encourage and empathise. So don't feel like you have to do it to yourself. Treat yourself like your best friend, and try and avoid negative talk as much as possible. It's only a small thing but it might help start shifting your mindset.
 
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