It’s still a loss and like others have said grief is extremely personal, it also sounds like it has stirred up other emotions, memories, feelings etc , please take care and be kind to yourself as you are your priority
Knew Ali quite well , went to away games with him and Gordon Cox, quiz nights in the Cambridge, watching England v Cameroon in the yellow rose , absolute legend of a bloke , broke my heart when he died , Ali Brownlee a true Boro legend ❤️
I agree potentially the best 2 possibly with woodgate but not sure as a partnership, do you need a nastier one eg Mowbray , Boam, Ugo , the one who would really put their head in where it would hurt ?