Need a bit of help lad and lasses. Been reading this board since early 2000’s and decided to make an account a few months ago. Purely because the help I saw some people received who were struggling. Unfortunately I’m 1 of those lads at the moment. I’ve got 2 brilliant kids but going through a marriage break up. I’ve literally googled how to end it quickly and it seems a great easy fix. Thankfully my kids stop me because I can’t stand the thought of them not having their fun daft dad around. Especially my little lad who we both have season tickets. Please somebody tell me this **** gets better.
Mental health again
- Thread starter Beazo83
- Start date
This is the reason I’m still here. Worrying part is, 6 months ago I wasn’t at the stage I am now, just hoping I don’t get to the next stage. But thankfully I think I have the strength of mind to think of the consequences to others if I was selfish and took the easy way out. I literally adore my kids.
Sorry to hear that, what you are going through is temporary and these things take time, time is a great healer when you are going through a break up, at the moment it is incredibly painful and raw, but eventually there will be light at the end of the tunnel, stay away from alcohol and any substances, eat healthy, try and go for walks, keep telling yourself "things will eventually get better" try and think of positive thoughts, future events like going on holiday with your kids and spending time with them.
If you have family members or friends you can talk to? Don't be afraid to reach out.
Boro in Devon
Well-known member
Well done for writing the post. I too suffered and lost my job, marriage and my wife. It really is a bad time for you. I had thoughts about ending my life and thought a lot about it being the easier option for my kids. I than god now, 15 years later that I didnt. I have a great relationship with my grown up children and they have said that they are pleased that I didnt stay in the marriage. Life through a divorce was bad, but after I was able to enjoy a relationship with them on a 1:1 basis. We developed lots of hobbies together and I have always been there for them when they need help. They too have had issues with mental health, but we can talk it through together. If I had taken the easy way out, it would have given them the same idea.
For you kids sake, be strong, get help and enjoy the love you have for your kids.
For you kids sake, be strong, get help and enjoy the love you have for your kids.
Thanks for the reply mate. I had all I wanted, a wife, kids, the family life but it all went Pete tong. I had a nightmare which I won’t deny but there’s 2 sides to every story. Just trying to keep my kids happy and settled but it’s hard. Sometime it’s best to break free rather than suffer for the sake of your kids. UTB
Aet290204
Well-known member
Seems as good a reason as any mate.
I’ve not got kids, I’ve gone through a break up but not a divorce. Probably no solace to you but I kinda think these things happen for a reason and for the best.
I’m not going to offer advice cos I’m sh1t at it, but just know you aren’t alone.
Love that post. You don’t know how much a simple post like that changes the mindset of someone who’s having a mare. I’m absolutely getting through this **** storm but sometime you just need some words from lads who have been through it before. The littlest of encouragement for lads like me or others can mean the difference between getting through it or devastating people’s lives you love. Thanks again
Thanks mate. I’m really bad at advice as well but the fact you replied means more than you probably realise. This single thread has made me feel much better. Such a fragile subject.
It is, I went through a very painful breakup when I was young and (thankfully) no kids involved although I have 2 now, and I know it's probably not what you want to hear now? But you will get over it and there is more than likely another lovely lady somewhere out there that you haven't met yet that you will have a great life with...but you have to put yourself back together first and it's small steps...kids are resilient and you in the future will still have the rest of your life to have a wonderful time with them...life is an adventure and what you are going through now will eventually make you stronger.
Thanks for the reply. I know for a fact in 5 years it will be all rosey, but I feel guilty on the kids for not having a perfect family set up. I’ve worked hard to have it all but it just hasn’t worked out. Anyway……boro are going up as champions. Me and my boy are celebrating and that’s all that matters.
Boro in Devon
Well-known member
I forgot to mention, a bit of advice someone gave me in the midst of divorce. Focus on what you have and not what you have lost. You have children and it sounds as though you have a great relationship with them, and something that you can build on in the future. Dont hold on to past relationships, kids can detect, when something isnt right. If the marriage is over, move on, but build something that both you and the kids can enjoy together. You both may get new relationships, help your kids come to terms with it, act with dignity, dont slag off there mother in front of them. The bad times will pass eventually, but you can control it by being positive.
Aet290204
Well-known member
The Boro are my distraction technique.
Win….happy happy all is good with the world, Stevie Gibson is king and all that. We’ll be in the premier league next season.
Lose….have a bloody good moan about it. The buggers always let you down. Bloody pathetic. Heading for League one. Moan moan moan. Etc etc.
It’s cathartic.
afcb_acklam
Well-known member
feel your pain - been there, done that. split up when my kids were early teens. had a mini mid-life crisis, was a temp postman for a year (which was great mental & physical therapy). was drinking & eating too much, then had a ridiculous (but sort of fun at the time fling with a very sexy lady), eventually got myself sorted with a new, lower cost, higher happiness lifestyle, incorporating a boro-bird met on a dating site. main aims thru it all were to put my kids needs & happiness first (despite the circumstances), and it all worked out fine. now, nearly 18 years later still get on fine with ex wife, kids... and boro-bird. not easy at the time.... but it was all a stage to get thru. my ex & I decided it was a better example for our kids for their parents to be happy apart than unhappy together. try & stay positive, put kids needs first, and sort out what you need to survive a new lifestyle. good luck.
Running saved me. I went through a really bad time around 6 years ago, very dark place. I put on a bit of weight also.
One day I noticed a skipping rope in a shop and bought it and took it to my local park. I could do 3 skips and nearly puked, I was that out of shape.
Fast forward 6 years....I am now on the elite section of the city2surf run and finish in the top 100 of my age group. I run around 8 road races a year. I can do as many skips as I want.
Running for me is as good, of not better, than anti depressants. My wife think I'm crazy that I get up at 5am in winter to go for a run, but I HAVE TO. There are some that do this cold water swimming thing, I see it as similar.
So find something you love or can work on yourself with, that can fill your time and help your mind. Put your health and your kids first.
One day I noticed a skipping rope in a shop and bought it and took it to my local park. I could do 3 skips and nearly puked, I was that out of shape.
Fast forward 6 years....I am now on the elite section of the city2surf run and finish in the top 100 of my age group. I run around 8 road races a year. I can do as many skips as I want.
Running for me is as good, of not better, than anti depressants. My wife think I'm crazy that I get up at 5am in winter to go for a run, but I HAVE TO. There are some that do this cold water swimming thing, I see it as similar.
So find something you love or can work on yourself with, that can fill your time and help your mind. Put your health and your kids first.
Ian Bairds Ears
Well-known member
This message is why this board is a.friend to all on occasion
Beazo been there mate
It was.awful
I ended up not seeing my children again through a poisonous snake of a person ..let me tell you ..that pain is one that makes the pain of divorce look like a stroll along the promenade with lemon top
I don't say that lightly
Its been horrific for years
You're mate was right....what you have is amazing
2 little people for whom you are their world
...and one day those little people will need dad to help them with girlfriend boyfriends issues...to help them with their first house
And to maybe walk them down the aisle
Each night till yourself that you are 1 day closer to being the new you
It's OK to be sad
.it's OK to ball your eyes out and feel sorry for yourself...its part of the healing
But truly only time will help...time is the best healer for all ills usually
Good man for coming on here
Keep going mate
For.the kids....1 minute....1 hour....1 day at a time.
Peace
Beazo been there mate
It was.awful
I ended up not seeing my children again through a poisonous snake of a person ..let me tell you ..that pain is one that makes the pain of divorce look like a stroll along the promenade with lemon top
I don't say that lightly
Its been horrific for years
You're mate was right....what you have is amazing
2 little people for whom you are their world
...and one day those little people will need dad to help them with girlfriend boyfriends issues...to help them with their first house
And to maybe walk them down the aisle
Each night till yourself that you are 1 day closer to being the new you
It's OK to be sad
.it's OK to ball your eyes out and feel sorry for yourself...its part of the healing
But truly only time will help...time is the best healer for all ills usually
Good man for coming on here
Keep going mate
For.the kids....1 minute....1 hour....1 day at a time.
Peace
18MFC76
Well-known member
Things will get better mate. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel like you do but hang in there. Keep active, eat well, try and stay away from alcohol if possible. Surround yourself with good people and put all of your energy into your two kids who I'm sure worship you. Keep talking on here as well as people are very supportive 
.
.Hi Beazo
Sorry to hear this mate. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
I hope you remain on good terms with your soon to be Ex.
A mate of mine went through this(non - boro fan) and he is still able to take his lad to the football and do other things.
Good luck there’s plenty on here with good advice.
Sorry to hear this mate. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
I hope you remain on good terms with your soon to be Ex.
A mate of mine went through this(non - boro fan) and he is still able to take his lad to the football and do other things.
Good luck there’s plenty on here with good advice.
El Guapo
Well-known member
I’ve been there mate. It does get better. Try to both be adult about the divorce and put the kids as first priority, and that I don’t mean swuabnling over custody etc I mean making the divorce as easy and smooth as possible for them. Both of you; don’t get into arguments over splitting of assets, houses, kids and so on. Try not to hate each other (don’t know your reasons for divorce but if it is amicable try to keep it that way; if it isn’t mutual, as hard as it may be for the ‘wronged’ party, try not to apportion blame, just accept something has gone awry and as sad and painful as it may be, try to respect each other). I know it sounds oxymoronic but try to make it the best / friendliest divorce ever between you as in the long run that will help you both and cause least damage to the kids.
I feel your pain mate. I really do. It takes a long time to get over - been 5 years since my and mine split - and I am not sure you ever do but for wantbof a better phrase try to salvage as much respect and amicability as possible from the wreckage and keep the kids well being as top priority - seeing their mam and dad destroy each other with hate and vitriol and arguments and lawyers will do them, and you both, far more damage in the long term than being adults and talking through things amicably and respectfully. My ex and I are on good terms and get along fine, we co-parent, we put our boy first, we respect each other. You all can be the same.
As for your current mental state, it is understandable so be kind to yourself. Life will be better again.
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I don't know, typical lefty board, people swooping in and being all supportive and understanding and that no wonder people are leaving in droves 
(You are absolutely not alone mate, I think you will find that we all struggle hard at different times, and I have certainly found that it helps to know you are not alone, and you are not alone ... joking above aside its one of the reasons I stay around here, because unlike most places on the internet you are more likely to find people that listen and offer support than you are to be ridiculed, or be told something even more ridiculous like you should just go for a run or man up etc, remember it will pass, its only temporary and try not to make m(any) big decisions whilst its got a hold of you, there are brighter days ahead and people to talk to whenever you need)
(You are absolutely not alone mate, I think you will find that we all struggle hard at different times, and I have certainly found that it helps to know you are not alone, and you are not alone ... joking above aside its one of the reasons I stay around here, because unlike most places on the internet you are more likely to find people that listen and offer support than you are to be ridiculed, or be told something even more ridiculous like you should just go for a run or man up etc, remember it will pass, its only temporary and try not to make m(any) big decisions whilst its got a hold of you, there are brighter days ahead and people to talk to whenever you need)