Mental Health Advice.

Z

zzzzz

Well-known member
Sorry this is saga.

Seen a lot of it on here giving a lot of sensible support.

A good mate of mine is struggling.
He's been on and off for over two decades my right hand man and we've worked all over the world together in oil and gas.

We've not worked together for a couple of years but keep in touch every week.

Three weeks ago he didn't call so I rang him and he didn't answer, left a message and he still didn't call back.
I took the number ID off my phone and he did answer.
He'd jacked in his current job and was cracking up when he told me he'd lost all his confidence.
I was astonished but tried to reassure him as best I could but it was a much shorter conversation that it should have been.

He had a wobble about 10 years ago when working for me in Austria then went back after 6 weeks and all seemed good.
He was supposed to call me Thursday on his way home but didn't.
Tried him a couple of times since with no reply

I don't know his wife so can't call her but I'm really worried about him. Work has been his life for 4 decades (he's 63) and he has no hobbies and no mates other than work mates and none of us can contact him.

He's out of the same stupid 'lust get on with it' mould as me so for him to admit he's lost his confidence is so worrying.

I just don't know what to do. I know where he lives but really don't think I could knock on his door.
 
Before you knock, maybe do a bit of homework on what help is available but more than that just be prepared to deal with raw emotions, it won't be easy.
 
HarryVegas said:
Before you knock, maybe do a bit of homework on what help is available but more than that just be prepared to deal with raw emotions, it won't be easy.
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Thanks. He's not local so travelling to see him would be a statement.
 
Sorry if I misunderstood, but what do you mean by lost his confidence? In his ability to carry out his work or socially?
 
It is common with mental health to want to cut yourself off from those around you. Not contacting you, not answering the phone are very common. It is like being an ostrich and sticking your head in the sand.

In my experience, at times like this, it is where your true mates step up and help.
Either visit him, or write a letter or do something to let him know that you are here for him and let him know that you care. Some of us like to do the macho thing and shrug it off and not admit that their is a problem, but understanding that their is a problem is the first step to sorting out the issues.
Dont expect anything too quickly, just make regular gentle steps.

Good luck with it and I hope that your mate gets through it soon.
 
Kevo4 said:
Sorry if I misunderstood, but what do you mean by lost his confidence? In his ability to carry out his work or socially?
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His ability to do his work. Which is crazy because he's really at the top of his game
 
Boro in Devon said:
It is common with mental health to want to cut yourself off from those around you. Not contacting you, not answering the phone are very common. It is like being an ostrich and sticking your head in the sand.

In my experience, at times like this, it is where your true mates step up and help.
Either visit him, or write a letter or do something to let him know that you are here for him and let him know that you care. Some of us like to do the macho thing and shrug it off and not admit that their is a problem, but understanding that their is a problem is the first step to sorting out the issues.
Dont expect anything too quickly, just make regular gentle steps.

Good luck with it and I hope that your mate gets through it soon.
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Thanks so much.
I never thought of a letter but better still I can email him.
 
zzzzz said:
Thanks. He's not local so travelling to see him would be a statement.
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Exactly, knock on the door , in different circumstances I’ve been involved one way or another and it’s amazing. If it’s a long travel then commit to a couple of days even if you‘re killing time for a lot of it. You’ve travelled you can do that and he’ll realise the commitment you’ve made.
 
Firstly go and see him , it's amazing what support can do for a person.
Not sure where he lives so can't give you a number for the local mental health team but every area has one.. You can see them via appointments sourced through a GP or if his family are worried ring direct for help.If he is unwilling to go to a CMHRC they can arrange for someone to come out. If needed and there is a threat to his or someone elses safety you should be able to access the Crisis team for help.
As I say go and knock first, none of the above may be needed.
I worked in the local Community mental health team for 30 years . They are very effective but nothing is like the support of Family and friends.
 
Blf said:
Firstly go and see him , it's amazing what support can do for a person.
Not sure where he lives so can't give you a number for the local mental health team but every area has one.. You can see them via appointments sourced through a GP or if his family are worried ring direct for help.If he is unwilling to go to a CMHRC they can arrange for someone to come out. If needed and there is a threat to his or someone elses safety you should be able to access the Crisis team for help.
As I say go and knock first, none of the above may be needed.
I worked in the local Community mental health team for 30 years . They are very effective but nothing is like the support of Family and friends.
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Thanks
 
Offer him reassurance if you can:
Its OK not to feel OK.
You are not being judgemental.
He`s not showing weakness or any less of a man for feeling the way he does.
You think more of him as a friend for him being able to tell you how he feels.
Its the first step hes taken and probably the biggest - because he`s on his way to recovery.
Tell him you are prepared to lend a listening ear whenever he wants one.
Hes not alone.
Let him know about the Samaritans if he needs advice and support.
Hopefully this helps zzzz.(y)
 
r00fie1 said:
Offer him reassurance if you can:
Its OK not to feel OK.
You are not being judgemental.
He`s not showing weakness or any less of a man for feeling the way he does.
You think more of him as a friend for him being able to tell you how he feels.
Its the first step hes taken and probably the biggest - because he`s on his way to recovery.
Tell him you are prepared to lend a listening ear whenever he wants one.
Hes not alone.
Let him know about the Samaritans if he needs advice and support.
Hopefully this helps zzzz.(y)
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Thanks very much. I'm gonna email him today with all of that. Then if I don't get a reply try again to call him midweek then pop over later.
It'll be this week when it hits him worse when everyone else is going back to work.
 
zzzzz said:
Sorry this is saga.

Seen a lot of it on here giving a lot of sensible support.

A good mate of mine is struggling.
He's been on and off for over two decades my right hand man and we've worked all over the world together in oil and gas.

We've not worked together for a couple of years but keep in touch every week.

Three weeks ago he didn't call so I rang him and he didn't answer, left a message and he still didn't call back.
I took the number ID off my phone and he did answer.
He'd jacked in his current job and was cracking up when he told me he'd lost all his confidence.
I was astonished but tried to reassure him as best I could but it was a much shorter conversation that it should have been.

He had a wobble about 10 years ago when working for me in Austria then went back after 6 weeks and all seemed good.
He was supposed to call me Thursday on his way home but didn't.
Tried him a couple of times since with no reply

I don't know his wife so can't call her but I'm really worried about him. Work has been his life for 4 decades (he's 63) and he has no hobbies and no mates other than work mates and none of us can contact him.

He's out of the same stupid 'lust get on with it' mould as me so for him to admit he's lost his confidence is so worrying.

I just don't know what to do. I know where he lives but really don't think I could knock on his door.
Click to expand...
Knock and knock and knock on his door. Please just go do it. Don't email him today, knock on his door. Please don't put it off.

I've had to call the crisis team (pointless) and the Samaritans this week. I wish I had someone who should just call in.
 
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