Stop talking

I've posted on here multiple times (probably too many) about my problems. My wife sees the darker/darkest side of me. She has had therapy to deal with me and my manicness. I drank at the weekend , I went into another melt down and hid it and hardly drank it but kept it in my bag and as "you idiot reminder". She found that bottle today and we are back in turmoil because of a moment of "I'm not worth it". Yep I will man up and grown some balls, but I am so open about my struggles(and my wife's due to it). I was never this person, why does the mind play tricks on you? I have met a few people on here now, something I couldn't do a few years ago, I just hope people see a good person, not this monster I see. I don't know how she copes.
You look well at ease on Saturday mate and I was hoping the dog was far away from your mind. Hopefully you will come out of the dark soon enough.