To go or not to go

Z

Zanzibobs

Active member
Stoke game. In laws have booked the ‘traditional’ weekend away to Beadnell for three nights (started two years ago). It clashes with the Stoke game. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to go. I’ve obviously said I am going. I struggle with mental health a LOT. If it wasn’t for my two kids, sometimes my wife and the Boro I wouldn’t be here.
Do I go and do the thing that makes me happy even though the kids have been told they aren’t allowed to go. Or do i not go to the match. Spend it with Newcastle fans who will doubtless want to watch their match. They will want to watch a mix of strictly and the rugby final and spend the afternoon in a pub in Seahouses. All things I really don’t want to do. I don’t think it’s fair to be told I’m not allowed to do one thing but have to do things I don’t want to do. I know it may sound selfish or/and stubborn. But my stubbornness is quite deep.
Stoke or no Stoke?
 
Unfortunately the in laws don’t agree with it. Football comes first with me, they don’t like it when I go to the match on Boxing Day as they now get together, sometimes, on a Boxing Day.
Beadnell was booked just before the fixtures came out. When I mentioned that I would need to check the fixtures I was told to stop being silly and causing trouble.
They want me to be the person I was a few years ago. Due to the way they go on they have changed me as a person and it’s not very nice.
 
Its as two way thing really. Go, and watch it on a dodgy stick or whatever. Or go to game and then head up after it.

To an extent youve got to play happy families a bit but your happiness should never take a back seat to the wishes of others, theres plenty of time to spend with them before or after the game.
 
edinboro said:
Could you go the match and then up to Northumberland after?
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That is what I would suggest and this way, everyone wins. I would contact them and tell them how you feel and how it helps you to cope and also tell them you appreciate the support you get from them.

I guess you are going up on the Friday evening and would need to travel back down for the game. Travel will take you around 2hrs each way and you wouldn't need to set off until 11 am and you would be back with them just after 7 pm. You could treat them to a takeaway on the Saturday as a good will gesture.
 
Norman_Conquest said:
That is what I would suggest and this way, everyone wins. I would contact them and tell them how you feel and how it helps you to cope and also tell them you appreciate the support you get from them.

I guess you are going up on the Friday evening and would need to travel back down for the game. Travel will take you around 2hrs each way and you wouldn't need to set off until 11 am and you would be back with them just after 7 pm. You could treat them to a takeaway on the Saturday as a good will gesture.
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you’ve done this before! Smooth move with the takeaway!
 
newyddion said:
you’ve done this before! Smooth move with the takeaway!
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Once or twice. ;)

I used to regularly visit the brother in law in London on weekends the Boro played there. It was taken for granted that I would be going to the game and my sister in law would make sure there was a pork pie for me to take. ;)
 
Zanzibobs said:
Stoke game. In laws have booked the ‘traditional’ weekend away to Beadnell for three nights (started two years ago). It clashes with the Stoke game. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to go. I’ve obviously said I am going. I struggle with mental health a LOT. If it wasn’t for my two kids, sometimes my wife and the Boro I wouldn’t be here.
Do I go and do the thing that makes me happy even though the kids have been told they aren’t allowed to go. Or do i not go to the match. Spend it with Newcastle fans who will doubtless want to watch their match. They will want to watch a mix of strictly and the rugby final and spend the afternoon in a pub in Seahouses. All things I really don’t want to do. I don’t think it’s fair to be told I’m not allowed to do one thing but have to do things I don’t want to do. I know it may sound selfish or/and stubborn. But my stubbornness is quite deep.
Stoke or no Stoke?
Click to expand...
Go! Look at it this way:
Make Geordies happy v make you happy
Rugby is crap (imho)
Plus, if they cared about you they’d want you to be happy.
Hope that helps
UTB!!
 
Go.

Sometimes you have to do what you want to do for yourself and that alone.

It's not like you're selfish and get your way all the time, is it. And you can make reparations by buying a takeaway or doing something for the family that's above and beyond expectations.
 
Don’t beat about the bush, explain the compromise and how your time will be divided that particular day, just set the expectations and then state you did explain the risks for such an early booking before fixtures were available….😁
 
Ask them if they would accept that there is no telly watched at all - no Rugby, no Newcastle game, no Strictly and if they won't agree to that just tell them you'll join them about 7ish
 
Thanks for the advice. All good again! Still a few weeks away but I’m certainly in the bad books! It would make sense to not have a problem with me going to the match rather than put me in a bad mood for the weekend. I’ve got two quizzes and a set of taskmaster challenges with lots of forfeits, fun and games ready to either take with me to Beadnell or put in the bin along with any smiles and good times. Their choice!
 
I have been observing an expert in how to react if you are 'forced' into something you don't want to do, he swears by the following;

1- Go and hide in the corner behind a toybox, and shout "NO" regardless what is spoken to you
2- Cry hysterically until you hyperventilate
3- Optional, but still can be effective, throw things around the room, for greater affect, throw things down the stairs
3- Ask any other adult in the vicinity if you can, if they also disagree, repeat steps 1-3 again for their sole benefit.

Tried, tested, and endorsed by a 4 year old.

Good luck
 
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