Confessions Corner

Smog in Wilts said:
1. Haven't been to a Boro, or any footy match for over 40 years
2. Only been north of Leeds a handful of times over the last 45 years
3. My Dad and family were all Leeds fans
4. Last time I tried a parmo I loved it but couldn't eat one regularly
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My son your penance is being a Sunderland fan for one week .
 
I had a 💩 in the doctors car park on the way home from the pub/kebab shop one night after being overwhelmed by stomach ache (then had a sleepless night worrying that I might've been caught on CCTV 👀)
 
1. I had a season ticket for 3 years and didn’t go to a single game.

2. I used to make adult content with a ex girlfriend that she sold online.

3. I’m a massive geek, nerd, superhero and sci fi fan.

4. I have a list of people on here I want to kill.

Kidding obviously. I don’t even like sci fi 😉
 
1. Unashamedly laughing my head off for what seemed like hours after watching a mate kick a tin of beans that was in the road, seeing it loop high on a path before knocking a bloke out, who was innocently walking his dog, until it hit him on the back of his head (He came round eventually and recovered....)
2. Owning a No 8 Leeds shirt (Allan Clarke) and having a poster of him on my wall as a 10 year old. Jack Hatfield jnr did the number with barely a grimace......
3. Feeling guilty, and getting really slagged off from my boss, about turning down a massive company freebie to judge a Classic car contest, preferring to go to a Christmas do instead. The two people who went (incl my replacement, and my boss) were killed in a plane crash on the way to the contest. There are times I really dwell on this.
 
Never watched Titanic (just think what's the point as know the ending)

The funniest one I heard from a family member. My uncle once won a local photography competition (early 80s) when he entered an 'amazing' photo of him putting his hand through a wire fence and holding the pore of fox. A superb photo capturing both man and animal in perfect harmony.

What he failed to tell them was that the fox was dead and he'd staged it 'like a prop'. He said he was fortunate that its eyes had stayed open.

Absolutely no shame😂
 
1. Never watched any of the Lord of the Rings
2. Once laughed uncontrollably at a cyclist doing a wheelie on the path under Newport Bridge and cycling straight into the river.
3. Didn't correct my cousin when she once incorrectly assumed an aubergine was a sex toy (Long story, but to be fair to her, she was hammered at the time).
 
1 - Over the past decade or so I have only been able to name about half a dozen members of the Boro squad at any given time
2 - Much as I like us winning matches, I don't really care if we get promoted or not
3 - I enjoy lockdown because I don't like crowds & busy roads
 
S7DiscoDown said:
Never watched Titanic (just think what's the point as know the ending)

The funniest one I heard from a family member. My uncle once won a local photography competition (early 80s) when he entered an 'amazing' photo of him putting his hand through a wire fence and holding the pore of fox. A superb photo capturing both man and animal in perfect harmony.

What he failed to tell them was that the fox was dead and he'd staged it 'like a prop'. He said he was fortunate that its eyes had stayed open.

Absolutely no shame😂
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That dead fox story reminded me of my mate. He culls animals for the council including deer and foxes. One night he was on a farm trying to cull a troublesome fox for the farmer. He shot and killed what he thought was a fox but it was the farmers cat he had accidentally killed in the darkness 😬 They ended up putting it in the road so it got squashed and looked like a car had killed it. He was mortified and distraught, it’s terrible but I’ll confess to almost crying with laughter.
 
Staff at school all concerned today because a TA was off ill, caretaker told me she’d been “run over by a dog”. I said must have been in a Rover, killed myself laughing for 20 minutes and have spent the last 6 hours writing down dog puns ready for her return.

I desperately want to be mates with Bob Mortimer.

I absolutely detest every Christmas song ever written without exception
 
Got into a fight with another kid at school... took his glasses off and stamped on them... I was only 7

watched my mate blow his kitchen up aged 15 with a can of beans and a microwave... I knew exactly what would happen and he didn’t... I didn’t stop him 😀 I lied to the fireman and his mum.

I have a thing for cheesy pop music from the 70’s and 80’s and my kids are showing the same taste because I listen to it all the time.

I got caught short with a case of the trotts on a night shift and had to pull over in a country park at 3 in the morning... I can’t imagine the horror of whoever opened the gateS the next day 😂

once asked a friend how his mum was... only to be told she had died 8 months earlier and I was at the funeral.... the last time I saw him... definitely not my finest moment
 
1. I too can not abide a parmo, they are vile and nothing to be proud of.
2. For the 1st year of my alcoholic drinking era (aged 16-17) I drank lager and lime as I thought it made me look cool with the ladies
3. Aged 18, I was very drunk in a nightclub and gave my telephone number to this lass who called me the next day saying how much she enjoyed the final hour we shared in a darkened corner of the club and how she couldn’t wait to see me again. I felt quite rough and couldn’t remember much about the night before in truth. We spoke on the phone a couple of times, she seemed a nice lass and arranged to meet outside the cinema the following weekend.

She told me she was going to wear her favourite dress, a low cut figure hugging black and white striped dress. I got the bus into town and was sat on the top deck at the front when I saw her as the bus neared its stop on the opposite side of the road, my heart (and stomach) dropped. Drink had clearly not been my friend it seemed and rather than deal with the situation like a real man, I stayed on the bus to the next stop, crossed the road and got on the next bus straight back home ducking down as it went back past the cinema. Have to say I accept it was cowardly behaviour and I felt somewhat guilty, but that soon passed. She never called me thereafter thankfully. A few years later I had to meet my then girlfriend at the travel agents to pay the outstanding balance on a holiday that she had initially arranged for us. Yep, you guessed it, the travel assistant was that very same lass I stood up previously. Oh how I squirmed.
 
Boro_Boro_Boro said:
Got into a fight with another kid at school... took his glasses off and stamped on them... I was only 7

watched my mate blow his kitchen up aged 15 with a can of beans and a microwave... I knew exactly what would happen and he didn’t... I didn’t stop him 😀 I lied to the fireman and his mum.

I have a thing for cheesy pop music from the 70’s and 80’s and my kids are showing the same taste because I listen to it all the time.

I got caught short with a case of the trotts on a night shift and had to pull over in a country park at 3 in the morning... I can’t imagine the horror of whoever opened the gateS the next day 😂

once asked a friend how his mum was... only to be told she had died 8 months earlier and I was at the funeral.... the last time I saw him... definitely not my finest moment
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The last one 🙈🙈🙈
 
I forgot to mention
coluka said:
1. I too can not abide a parmo, they are vile and nothing to be proud of.
2. For the 1st year of my alcoholic drinking era (aged 16-17) I drank lager and lime as I thought it made me look cool with the ladies
3. Aged 18, I was very drunk in a nightclub and gave my telephone number to this lass who called me the next day saying how much she enjoyed the final hour we shared in a darkened corner of the club and how she couldn’t wait to see me again. I felt quite rough and couldn’t remember much about the night before in truth. We spoke on the phone a couple of times, she seemed a nice lass and arranged to meet outside the cinema the following weekend.

She told me she was going to wear her favourite dress, a low cut figure hugging black and white striped dress. I got the bus into town and was sat on the top deck at the front when I saw her as the bus neared its stop on the opposite side of the road, my heart (and stomach) dropped. Drink had clearly not been my friend it seemed and rather than deal with the situation like a real man, I stayed on the bus to the next stop, crossed the road and got on the next bus straight back home ducking down as it went back past the cinema. Have to say I accept it was cowardly behaviour and I felt somewhat guilty, but that soon passed. She never called me thereafter thankfully. A few years later I had to meet my then girlfriend at the travel agents to pay the outstanding balance on a holiday that she had initially arranged for us. Yep, you guessed it, the travel assistant was that very same lass I stood up previously. Oh how I squirmed.
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i like your testimonies Coluka . we’ve all been there ( not with exact lady of course )
 
coluka said:
1. I too can not abide a parmo, they are vile and nothing to be proud of.
2. For the 1st year of my alcoholic drinking era (aged 16-17) I drank lager and lime as I thought it made me look cool with the ladies
3. Aged 18, I was very drunk in a nightclub and gave my telephone number to this lass who called me the next day saying how much she enjoyed the final hour we shared in a darkened corner of the club and how she couldn’t wait to see me again. I felt quite rough and couldn’t remember much about the night before in truth. We spoke on the phone a couple of times, she seemed a nice lass and arranged to meet outside the cinema the following weekend.

She told me she was going to wear her favourite dress, a low cut figure hugging black and white striped dress. I got the bus into town and was sat on the top deck at the front when I saw her as the bus neared its stop on the opposite side of the road, my heart (and stomach) dropped. Drink had clearly not been my friend it seemed and rather than deal with the situation like a real man, I stayed on the bus to the next stop, crossed the road and got on the next bus straight back home ducking down as it went back past the cinema. Have to say I accept it was cowardly behaviour and I felt somewhat guilty, but that soon passed. She never called me thereafter thankfully. A few years later I had to meet my then girlfriend at the travel agents to pay the outstanding balance on a holiday that she had initially arranged for us. Yep, you guessed it, the travel assistant was that very same lass I stood up previously. Oh how I squirmed.
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Hahah great story Col. I remember something similar where I pulled a bird from Hartlepool who was shall we say larger than my usual on a night out and for some reason gave her my number and after a slightly barren spell thought fook it and took her on a date before going back to hers. I did the d*ck thing and ghosted her messages after that.

About 3 months later in Newcastle I got talking to this lass after the clubs had kicked out and we were exchanging numbers when her mate came flying over, yep you’ve guessed it, the same girl from 3 months previously, F’ing and blinding me all over, needless to say that nights planned love interest never took off.
 
I met a girl in The Exchage years ago who was rather of the large persuasion . She was a student nurse and we ended up at the North Tees nursing home . On the morning a rather large gentleman was banging on the door ( boyfriend ) . I headed towards the window and learned I was on the third floor of nursing home . I hence had to open door and walk past very earnestly the boyfriend . Phew !
 
BoroinBuxton said:
1. Unashamedly laughing my head off for what seemed like hours after watching a mate kick a tin of beans that was in the road, seeing it loop high on a path before knocking a bloke out, who was innocently walking his dog, until it hit him on the back of his head (He came round eventually and recovered....)
2. Owning a No 8 Leeds shirt (Allan Clarke) and having a poster of him on my wall as a 10 year old. Jack Hatfield jnr did the number with barely a grimace......
3. Feeling guilty, and getting really slagged off from my boss, about turning down a massive company freebie to judge a Classic car contest, preferring to go to a Christmas do instead. The two people who went (incl my replacement, and my boss) were killed in a plane crash on the way to the contest. There are times I really dwell on this.
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Blimey, that last one is a bit sobering.

1. Always cry watching Marley and me
2. Never seen any game of thrones
3. Hate Friends with a passion
 
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