Dad Jokes - all welcome!

My best mate was feeling really sorry for me after I returned from Italy recently having picked up this coronavirus. I told him not to worry as it’s all relative. I told him if I had come back with rabies and you’d offered me the coronavirus instead, I’d have bitten your hand off.

I was only thinking to myself what an uncaring society we live in nowadays, so I went for a walk in the park. I was sat for a while watching an old man feeding the birds and I thought to myself, I wonder how long he’s been dead.
 
The missus told me that instead of killing that spider I should befriend him.

so I took him out for a drink. He’s a nice bloke with a good job as it happens, he’s a web designer.
 
Big woman gets into a crowded lift in a big plush hotel.
Lift stops and man at the back shouts "ball room"
Woman exclaims "sorry dear I didnt realise I was so close":rolleyes:
 
I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'it hurts when I do that'
he said ' well don't do it'
 
Gene Pitney’s widow is arranging his funeral and asks the joiner how long it will take to make the special, bespoke coffin she wants for him. The joiner says, “Well it will take three days if I make it from a hardwood like oak or two days from a softwood like pine........










.....or Only Twenty-Four Hours From Balsa.....”
 
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