Embarrassing moments in your life.

R

redblood

Well-known member
I'm sure we've all got a few and just as sure that we would all get a good laugh if we were to reveal some of them.

Mine are a bit crude but that goes with the territory when you have been "caught with your pants down", for me, literally.

I went along to the doctors with my wife when she first had signs of arthritis when her hands and shoulder were becoming very painful.
After the doctor had finished with her, my wife looked at me and said, Well???? Aren't you going to tell the doctor about your problem?
I looked at her with a look that could kill.

The doctor looked at me and asked what problem did I have.
I said, my anus doc whilst giving my wife another filthy look.
It's really itchy and sometimes it's sore, really sore.
So sore that when I go for a poo and my head is saying yes, yes, yes, my bum is saying no, no no and find that i tense up fighting myself and
my poo comes out like strands of spaghetti.

He showed me to the bed and told me to take off my pants and undies whilst he put on a pair of surgical gloves.
He spread eagled my legs and bent me over the bed so's that he could have a proper good look.
As he was spreading my cheeks, I was thinking, I don't believe this, this can't be happening to me, I didn't come here for this, only two minutes
ago, my life was perfect and now, here I am, allowing another man to spread my bum cheeks, I'll kill her when we get home.

When he released my cheeks, I started to pull my pants up, thinking, thank god that's over, when I noticed him putting something like Nivea on
his index finger and new immediately that this was not over by a long shot and with my wife smiling in the background.
He came up behind me and placed me into position once again and whilst his finger was twisting right to left searching for an eternity for
god only knows what, there was a knock on the door.
My wife got up and opened the door and a young woman came in with a jug of water.
Just what I needed, either to drink or to pour all over the doctor and she put it down on the doctors desk.
Is this for real? are you kidding me? couldn't this have waited until the patient was done with, for christs sake, a jar of effing water for the doc?, now
of all times?

When we sat down, he looked at me and said, you have a Vistula.
I looked at him with the same look that I had given my wife and thought to myself, is that Latin for you've just been fisted good and proper or was there
something wrong with me?

When we got outside, I stopped my wife and turned her to me and said.. Don't you ever do that to me again.
With a startled look, she said, What? and started to giggle.
You know what, you let a young girl come in when the doctor had his finger fair up my ar8e.

She howled with laughter and tried telling me that she was a nurse. She wasn't a bloody nurse she was the secretary.
I was livid, not only had I been totally humiliated, only a couple of minutes ago, I lost my virginity, and she was
laughing and more than likely so was the doctor and his secretary, uncontrollably, more than likely.

If there was to be any good come out of this, it was the fact that I knew that I could live the rest of my life without the
worry of ever having any gay thoughts ever having to bother me.
 
redblood said:
I'm sure we've all got a few and just as sure that we would all get a good laugh if we were to reveal some of them.

Mine are a bit crude but that goes with the territory when you have been "caught with your pants down", for me, literally.

I went along to the doctors with my wife when she first had signs of arthritis when her hands and shoulder were becoming very painful.
After the doctor had finished with her, my wife looked at me and said, Well???? Aren't you going to tell the doctor about your problem?
I looked at her with a look that could kill.

The doctor looked at me and asked what problem did I have.
I said, my anus doc whilst giving my wife another filthy look.
It's really itchy and sometimes it's sore, really sore.
So sore that when I go for a poo and my head is saying yes, yes, yes, my bum is saying no, no no and find that i tense up fighting myself and
my poo comes out like strands of spaghetti.

He showed me to the bed and told me to take off my pants and undies whilst he put on a pair of surgical gloves.
He spread eagled my legs and bent me over the bed so's that he could have a proper good look.
As he was spreading my cheeks, I was thinking, I don't believe this, this can't be happening to me, I didn't come here for this, only two minutes
ago, my life was perfect and now, here I am, allowing another man to spread my bum cheeks, I'll kill her when we get home.

When he released my cheeks, I started to pull my pants up, thinking, thank god that's over, when I noticed him putting something like Nivea on
his index finger and new immediately that this was not over by a long shot and with my wife smiling in the background.
He came up behind me and placed me into position once again and whilst his finger was twisting right to left searching for an eternity for
god only knows what, there was a knock on the door.
My wife got up and opened the door and a young woman came in with a jug of water.
Just what I needed, either to drink or to pour all over the doctor and she put it down on the doctors desk.
Is this for real? are you kidding me? couldn't this have waited until the patient was done with, for christs sake, a jar of effing water for the doc?, now
of all times?

When we sat down, he looked at me and said, you have a Vistula.
I looked at him with the same look that I had given my wife and thought to myself, is that Latin for you've just been fisted good and proper or was there
something wrong with me?

When we got outside, I stopped my wife and turned her to me and said.. Don't you ever do that to me again.
With a startled look, she said, What? and started to giggle.
You know what, you let a young girl come in when the doctor had his finger fair up my ar8e.

She howled with laughter and tried telling me that she was a nurse. She wasn't a bloody nurse she was the secretary.
I was livid, not only had I been totally humiliated, only a couple of minutes ago, I lost my virginity, and she was
laughing and more than likely so was the doctor and his secretary, uncontrollably, more than likely.

If there was to be any good come out of this, it was the fact that I knew that I could live the rest of my life without the
worry of ever having any gay thoughts ever having to bother me.
Click to expand...
so...
you went do the doctors about your bottom, the doctor examined your bottom.. and now you can live the rest of your life without any gay thoughts ever having to bother you?

how bizarre. what were these gay thoughts that you were having? how were they bothering you?
 
redblood said:
I'm sure we've all got a few and just as sure that we would all get a good laugh if we were to reveal some of them.

Mine are a bit crude but that goes with the territory when you have been "caught with your pants down", for me, literally.

I went along to the doctors with my wife when she first had signs of arthritis when her hands and shoulder were becoming very painful.
After the doctor had finished with her, my wife looked at me and said, Well???? Aren't you going to tell the doctor about your problem?
I looked at her with a look that could kill.

The doctor looked at me and asked what problem did I have.
I said, my anus doc whilst giving my wife another filthy look.
It's really itchy and sometimes it's sore, really sore.
So sore that when I go for a poo and my head is saying yes, yes, yes, my bum is saying no, no no and find that i tense up fighting myself and
my poo comes out like strands of spaghetti.

He showed me to the bed and told me to take off my pants and undies whilst he put on a pair of surgical gloves.
He spread eagled my legs and bent me over the bed so's that he could have a proper good look.
As he was spreading my cheeks, I was thinking, I don't believe this, this can't be happening to me, I didn't come here for this, only two minutes
ago, my life was perfect and now, here I am, allowing another man to spread my bum cheeks, I'll kill her when we get home.

When he released my cheeks, I started to pull my pants up, thinking, thank god that's over, when I noticed him putting something like Nivea on
his index finger and new immediately that this was not over by a long shot and with my wife smiling in the background.
He came up behind me and placed me into position once again and whilst his finger was twisting right to left searching for an eternity for
god only knows what, there was a knock on the door.
My wife got up and opened the door and a young woman came in with a jug of water.
Just what I needed, either to drink or to pour all over the doctor and she put it down on the doctors desk.
Is this for real? are you kidding me? couldn't this have waited until the patient was done with, for christs sake, a jar of effing water for the doc?, now
of all times?

When we sat down, he looked at me and said, you have a Vistula.
I looked at him with the same look that I had given my wife and thought to myself, is that Latin for you've just been fisted good and proper or was there
something wrong with me?

When we got outside, I stopped my wife and turned her to me and said.. Don't you ever do that to me again.
With a startled look, she said, What? and started to giggle.
You know what, you let a young girl come in when the doctor had his finger fair up my ar8e.

She howled with laughter and tried telling me that she was a nurse. She wasn't a bloody nurse she was the secretary.
I was livid, not only had I been totally humiliated, only a couple of minutes ago, I lost my virginity, and she was
laughing and more than likely so was the doctor and his secretary, uncontrollably, more than likely.

If there was to be any good come out of this, it was the fact that I knew that I could live the rest of my life without the
worry of ever having any gay thoughts ever having to bother me.
Click to expand...
I laughed...........HARD

I`m such a bad person.....sorry
 
I was once made a right fool of myself when running for the bus in Teesville when they use to be a wooden fence round the Lowfields School. I ran across the road to try and catch the bus and it pulled away. To try and play it cool I pretended I was just running and went to jump the fence, clipped the top rail and went head over tip. The bus was packed and everyone seen it with people stood up laughing. :( :rolleyes: 😁

My mate who was following me nearly got run over due to laughing so much.
 
First week at Uni, a bunch of us trying to impress each other from the top board at the pool, like the platform one at Stockton used to be, I think 5m.
We had started with jumping, then running and jumping, then diving before a running dive, then a handstand into a dive.
I thought I'd go one better and attempt a pike, how hard could it be.
Needless to say I didn't open up quickly enough and hit the water horizontally in the biggest belly flop from a 5m platform.
I couldn't feel my balls, had no air and my whole front felt like it was on fire. I could barely drag myself through the water to the steps to get out and all I could hear was people dying of laughter.
It had happened to me but even I could see it must have looked and sounded hysterical.
Needless to say I've never tried a Pike dive since.
 
newyddion said:
so...
you went do the doctors about your bottom, the doctor examined your bottom.. and now you can live the rest of your life without any gay thoughts ever having to bother you?

how bizarre. what were these gay thoughts that you were having? how were they bothering you?
Click to expand...
They weren't bothering me mate, it's just that it only took one slim index finger to know that this wasn't for me.
Each to their own I always say.
Borobuddah said:
When we sat down, he looked at me and said, you have a Vistula.

How was your operation?
Click to expand...
After that experience, the fool that I am, I let it go for about another ten years.
Eventually I had a simple operation after years of using creams and suppositories.
The downside of that operation is that I have to be very mindful of not coughing or sneezing when being introduced to somebody for
obvious reasons as my sphincter was cut and have little control of a little fart coming out when I do one of those things.

That's what I tell my wife anyways.
 
You can't do this anymore.

It was in the days when trains let you open the doors before it came to a halt. Trying to show off to the girlfriend, as we came into the platform, opened the door. It was going too fast, but I still got off. My legs went as fast as they could, before the inevitable SPLAT!, down I went face first onto the platform. Yeah, only about 20 people saw it, but only about 19 were laughing - my girlfriend was just mortified.
 
redblood said:
They weren't bothering me mate, it's just that it only took one slim index finger to know that this wasn't for me.
Each to their own I always say.

After that experience, the fool that I am, I let it go for about another ten years.
Eventually I had a simple operation after years of using creams and suppositories.
The downside of that operation is that I have to be very mindful of not coughing or sneezing when being introduced to somebody for
obvious reasons as my sphincter was cut and have little control of a little fart coming out when I do one of those things.

That's what I tell my wife anyways.
Click to expand...
don't know what doctors you go to, but every time I go it's the part time rugby fella or an ex pro goalkeeper from Iceland.. ex iron mongers and the like.

the sort of fellas that fill up the foam hands to the tip if you know what I mean.
 
Seaworld, Orlando, just before Shamu got to do her thing and the compare was entertaining the crowd on the mic, after which she announces, with some degree of enthusiasm and a very steely tone, that everyone was to stand for a minutes applause for the armed services.

Me, the typical Brit abroad, jumped to my feet.....only to then realise that actually the only ones who should be standing were the servicemen and servicewomen.

I realised my error immediately and looking about the six thousand odd people crammed in around me, that there must have been about fifty of us still standing.

Sitting back down would have obviously have shown me up for the half-wit that I am, so I just fronted it out. For 60 seconds, that felt like and hour, sweat running down my forehead in embarrassment the whole time.

I'm sure everyone knew of my faux-pas, even Shamu.

When I play it back in my head the Curb your Enthusiasm theme tune plays straight after it.
 
1974 junior school trip to Middlesbrough baths. The whistle went to get out of the pool as next school was lining up in on other side to get in. Rather than queue for the steps I thought I'd hitch myself up on the side I lifted myself out, my swimming shorts failed to follow. I ended up floundering on the side pulling up my shorts, the whole school on the opposite side didn't miss my full monty. The pool echoed with laughter I died of embarresment. It really put me off swimming for life.
 
indeedido said:
First week at Uni, a bunch of us trying to impress each other from the top board at the pool, like the platform one at Stockton used to be, I think 5m.
We had started with jumping, then running and jumping, then diving before a running dive, then a handstand into a dive.
I thought I'd go one better and attempt a pike, how hard could it be.
Needless to say I didn't open up quickly enough and hit the water horizontally in the biggest belly flop from a 5m platform.
I couldn't feel my balls, had no air and my whole front felt like it was on fire. I could barely drag myself through the water to the steps to get out and all I could hear was people dying of laughter.
It had happened to me but even I could see it must have looked and sounded hysterical.
Needless to say I've never tried a Pike dive since.
Click to expand...
How many times have you got to be told?

If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. 🤣
 
SNICKERED said:
1974 junior school trip to Middlesbrough baths. The whistle went to get out of the pool as next school was lining up in on other side to get in. Rather than queue for the steps I thought I'd hitch myself up on the side I lifted myself out, my swimming shorts failed to follow. I ended up floundering on the side pulling up my shorts, the whole school on the opposite side didn't miss my full monty. The pool echoed with laughter I died of embarresment. It really put me off swimming for life.
Click to expand...
Fortunately it was my wife and not me who had a similar experience.

We'd gone to Bondi beach and as we walked hand in hand into the surf and had got to waist height in water, my wife stopped and
would go no further.
I told her that she needs to get beyond the breakers. She stood there and as a set of waves were approaching I raced forward a few yards
to meet the first one. I dived through it and as the second wave raised me to a height high enough to catch the glimpse of her arms, legs and
bare bum tumbling her towards the shoreline.

After the wave receded, there she was for the entire congregation witnessing her trying in vain to pull her bottoms up without revealing too much.

I thought it best to stay in the water for another twenty minutes or so to let her cool down.
When I finally came back to my towel, she was laying face down on hers and turned her head towards me and said " that was your fault"
I said no it wasn't, I told you that you had to go beyond the breakers. "
She said " No, it was your fault, I told you I don't like going in the ocean. 🤣
Now I know why.
 
redblood said:
I'm sure we've all got a few and just as sure that we would all get a good laugh if we were to reveal some of them.

Mine are a bit crude but that goes with the territory when you have been "caught with your pants down", for me, literally.

I went along to the doctors with my wife when she first had signs of arthritis when her hands and shoulder were becoming very painful.
After the doctor had finished with her, my wife looked at me and said, Well???? Aren't you going to tell the doctor about your problem?
I looked at her with a look that could kill.

The doctor looked at me and asked what problem did I have.
I said, my anus doc whilst giving my wife another filthy look.
It's really itchy and sometimes it's sore, really sore.
So sore that when I go for a poo and my head is saying yes, yes, yes, my bum is saying no, no no and find that i tense up fighting myself and
my poo comes out like strands of spaghetti.

He showed me to the bed and told me to take off my pants and undies whilst he put on a pair of surgical gloves.
He spread eagled my legs and bent me over the bed so's that he could have a proper good look.
As he was spreading my cheeks, I was thinking, I don't believe this, this can't be happening to me, I didn't come here for this, only two minutes
ago, my life was perfect and now, here I am, allowing another man to spread my bum cheeks, I'll kill her when we get home.

When he released my cheeks, I started to pull my pants up, thinking, thank god that's over, when I noticed him putting something like Nivea on
his index finger and new immediately that this was not over by a long shot and with my wife smiling in the background.
He came up behind me and placed me into position once again and whilst his finger was twisting right to left searching for an eternity for
god only knows what, there was a knock on the door.
My wife got up and opened the door and a young woman came in with a jug of water.
Just what I needed, either to drink or to pour all over the doctor and she put it down on the doctors desk.
Is this for real? are you kidding me? couldn't this have waited until the patient was done with, for christs sake, a jar of effing water for the doc?, now
of all times?

When we sat down, he looked at me and said, you have a Vistula.
I looked at him with the same look that I had given my wife and thought to myself, is that Latin for you've just been fisted good and proper or was there
something wrong with me?

When we got outside, I stopped my wife and turned her to me and said.. Don't you ever do that to me again.
With a startled look, she said, What? and started to giggle.
You know what, you let a young girl come in when the doctor had his finger fair up my ar8e.

She howled with laughter and tried telling me that she was a nurse. She wasn't a bloody nurse she was the secretary.
I was livid, not only had I been totally humiliated, only a couple of minutes ago, I lost my virginity, and she was
laughing and more than likely so was the doctor and his secretary, uncontrollably, more than likely.

If there was to be any good come out of this, it was the fact that I knew that I could live the rest of my life without the
worry of ever having any gay thoughts ever having to bother me.
Click to expand...
Not surprised if you were a bit, er, tender having the longest river in Poland exiting your ring piece.
 
FartingGnome said:
Not surprised if you were a bit, er, tender having the longest river in Poland exiting your ring piece.
Click to expand...
lol yeah I know mate but my doctor was Greek and sounded like Vistula but Fistula was more apt as it certainly felt
more like a fist than a river. (y) 🤣
 
When I was in my early twenties, me and a group of mates went camping. Some brought their girlfriends. We left the campsite for the evening so as not to disturb the families and got blind drunk next to a river somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

One or two of the lads left early with their lasses who weren’t really digging the mischief brewing. A few of us encouraged/dared each other to go back and flatten one of the lads’ tents while they slept, to which I was endeared to. To teach them a lesson for bringing their fun sponge lass. I was young and daft (and very drunk). I’d also just got back from an amazing year travelling and was feeling a bit “out of place” back in England in general.

Once we set off back to the campsite at about 1am, we got about 100 yards away and all made a charge for it running as fast as we could, intent on causing mass destruction! I was leading the charge from the front, executing a perfect frog splash onto the middle of the tent that the Ultimate Warrior would have been proud of (god rest his soul), expecting to have all my mates land on top of me to thunderous laughter before we all pieced the tent back together congratulating each other on hilarious banter.

But just after I landed, there was an eerie silence and total darkness. No torches around me, like there had been, and none of my mates were anywhere to be seen. They had abandoned the idea quite early on but shortly after I’d set off on my charge. Turned out only I had followed through on this mission, alone, and no one had called me back.

The lad whose tent it was eventually appeared from under the canvas and broken tent poles, accompanied by the sound of his lass in floods of tears.

I had a LOT of apologising to do. I moved to London shortly after to try and gain some further perspective on life 😬.
 
Last edited:
Not my story, but one from an ex workmate (sadly no longer with us).

He was on a long train ride and got chatting to an attractive young lady sat opposite him. Things were going well and he was debating asking for her details (this was back in the days before mobile phones) but thought he'd just go on the loo before making his move.

He walked down the train to the nearest toilet, opened the door and was disgusted to find **** smeared all over the walls. Desperate for a **** he decided to hold his breath, locked the door and relieved himself.

When finished he quickly flung the door open ready to gulp in the fresh air...... only to come face to face with the aforementioned young lady waiting for her turn next.

All our poor hero could do was mutter "it wasn't me, honest" before dashing back to his seat, grabbing his stuff and disappeared as far down the train as he could to escape his embarrassment!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top