Red Wine Drinking and being a *#@*

J

John67

Well-known member
Been off booze for a month but went out last night for a few real beers with a mate. He went and bought a bottle of red wine whilst I stayed on beer. We have been friends for nearly 30 years and never had a cross word. His demeanour flipped, towards the end of the bottles contents, from let’s have a catch up and a laugh to thinking he could get away with saying something quite arrogant and hurtful. I stood up, left my pint and walked out and I think that’s the end of a long friendship. I fell out with another longtime friend a few years ago, who also used to flip, always when drinking red wine. Is it the wine, the person or me?
 
John67 said:
Been off booze for a month but went out last night for a few real beers with a mate. He went and bought a bottle of red wine whilst I stayed on beer. We have been friends for nearly 30 years and never had a cross word. His demeanour flipped, towards the end of the bottles contents, from let’s have a catch up and a laugh to thinking he could get away with saying something quite arrogant and hurtful. I stood up, left my pint and walked out and I think that’s the end of a long friendship. I fell out with another longtime friend a few years ago, who also used to flip, always when drinking red wine. Is it the wine, the person or me?
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There's no excuses for such stupidity, if he can't handle a certain drink he shouldn't drink it. That said, most of us have acted stupidly, said stupid things when we're adults.

Give him the chance to apologise but make it clear that what he said was hurtful and unnecessary. Hopefully he genuinely feels remorse and accepts his stupidity, and fingers crossed you can slowly heal the friendship.
 
I know mates who used to go loopy, get right nasty aggressive gobshytes when drinking spirits.

Think it could definitely be the type of drink. Strange.
 
I won’t divulge what was said but it was used as a way to belittle me. I am too long in the tooth to accept that from anyone. I could have reacted by telling a few home truths regarding his life but I am older and wiser these days. He will absolutely remember what he said and know why I walked off and tbh I can’t see him apologising as it’s not part of his psychological make up. In the taxi home, I mulled over some stuff that happened between us over the years and, if anything it made me more annoyed. Shame as we used to be very close. I do think Red Wine, or the way it can effect people, will have played a part but it’s not an excuse I am willing to accept.
 
John67 said:
I won’t divulge what was said but it was used as a way to belittle me. I am too long in the tooth to accept that from anyone. I could have reacted by telling a few home truths regarding his life but I am older and wiser these days. He will absolutely remember what he said and know why I walked off and tbh I can’t see him apologising as it’s not part of his psychological make up. In the taxi home, I mulled over some stuff that happened between us over the years and, if anything it made me more annoyed. Shame as we used to be very close. I do think Red Wine, or the way it can effect people, will have played a part but it’s not an excuse I am willing to accept.
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It is nothing to do with red wine, spirits, etc. It is more about the amount he's consumed.
 
I think you can be long standing friends never have a cross word, but still have things that annoy you that you don’t necessarily say. Drink of any type can bring things to the surface and hurtful things said and regretted. The trouble with many blokes if not all is pride and also feeling foolish at the same time, hoping the other party makes the first move. I would bite the bullet though and make contact and if he ignores you, or fails to see he was in the wrong or wont meet half way at least, then let him stew. A real friend will be back in touch and do the decent thing if they believe the other made an effort. If they don’t well, I’d suggest its his loss more than yours.
 
It all depends on what was said really. If he was just being a bit of a d*ck then you can put it down to the booze. But alcohol isn’t really an excuse if it was something really hurtful, and especially if only one bottle.
 
There's nothing in red wine that'll change a person dramatically. The problem is drinking it too quickly and getting properly drunk.

Having said that, most of the real boorishness these days comes from little packets of white stuff. Any chance he popped out for a little sniff?

For something to end a friendship so abruptly it must have been pretty bad. If you think it's worth rescuing, reach out and ask why it was said - what is the underlying resentment etc. If you can talk through that you might be able to sort it out. An apology without getting things in the open is worthless, in my opinion.
 
Bigger man than me John as good friend or not he’d probably have been wearing the bottle of red wine round the side of his head.
 
I read people saying reach out to him. Fcuk that, forget about him and if he really is the sort of friend you thought he was then he'll be back in touch to apologise. Alcohol has encouraged him to reveal some innermost thoughts about you. You really are better off without 'friends' like that.
 
Sounds like your mate has developed attitude and a drink problem, that's a shame especially if he's a good pal.

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A mate of mine ended up drinking it virtually every night. At first he said he looked for the different wine varieties from Australia to South Americas, as if it suggested some sort of acquired sophistication.

He didnt realise most of the red and white wines arrive from abroad in huge IBC containers and is bottled here. Its not exactly out of a wooden barrel from France now is it.
its just cheap plonk with a high alcohol content. It seems have turned a lot of people into supermarket plonkies who need to sup wine every night.

 
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