Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Carlos Fandango

Well-known member
Mary and Ted got married and had 13 children. Then Ted died of heart disease.

She married again and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident.

Again Mary remarried and this time she & John had 5 more children. Sadly John also passed away.

Mary finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, "Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?"

Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs, Ethel."
 

Carlos Fandango

Well-known member
A Catholic goes to confession. "Forgive me father for I have sinned." He begins.
"Go on my son." says the priest.
"I swore the other day, in the most profane way." says the man.
"Continue." says the priest.
"I was on the golf course and I hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway." "And this is when you swore?" asked the priest.
"No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough." said the man. "Ah, so this must have been when you swore." Said the priest.
"No father, not yet. As I was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it." continued the man. "Ahhh I see." says the priest "This MUST have been the point where you swore."
"You'd thinks so but no, because as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed just two feet from the hole."

They both remain quiet for a few seconds, then the priest says: "You missed the f*cking putt, didn't you?
 

Jollyroger

Active member
Fred joins the Foreign Legion and after 3 months being stuck with his mates in the desert, he asks his mates what they do for women. His mate says not to worry as Abdul is coming tomorrow with his camel herd.
Next morning he’s awakened at the crack of dawn with a lot of shouting and looks out of his tent and sees the legionnaires running across the sand dunes towards the camel train. Fred asks his mate why is everyone running and his mate replies “you don’t want to end up with an ugly one”!!

Following on:-
A couple of days later Fred’s mate asked if he’d enjoyed riding the camel. Fred said it was an absolute nightmare with him ending up battered and bruised and never ever doing anything with a camel again. His mate said “ er, you’re supposed to ride the camel to the nearest town”!
 
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