Haha, was going to say in your post before that Bumface, well, quote it actually saying your story is very similar to mine. Though mine is still an ongoing daily battle that has nearly got the better of me when I was younger and dafter, as you put it, tooI just need to keep myself occupied. That's why I read so much and watch so many films and walk the dog until he's exhausted. If I have time to think then my brain tells me that I'm pretty much dead already and that it's all just going to get worse as I get older. It isn't pleasant having your own brain hate you as much as mine does. But I can deal with it now. I have to. The suicide attempts were when I was young and stupid. I actually find it pretty funny now when I think about them. One of them in particular. I didn't find it funny at the time though.
'That's why I read so much and watch so many films and walk the dog until he's exhausted. ' - I pretty much said that to my sister the other day'
But the dog walking/films thing ... we've got a lot it common there. In terms of needing the distraction ... I walk about 100 miles a day with my dog, good job it's him who wants to and demands to do it more than me or I'd have square eyes. He was absolutely on one today, must've dragged me over 5 miles
My mental health state lately has been a combination of suicidal thoughts/voices telling me how pathetic anything I have ever tried to do was, how disgusting/pathetic I am and basically the 'do it!' voice through the night I have gotten used to .. but it doesn't quite come in that form.
I am a burden on my family because of all of my problems so I do think it makes more sense if I do just kill myself, then their lives are easier and sometimes I think they are waiting for me to do it. Those types of thoughts come in the night mostly.
It's mad isn't it how we can all discuss this openly nowadays. But good, as we can all beat it together.