Nailed on certainties in life

[FartingGnome]

when you see Johnson's mouth open there's a lie on the way out.

 

[S7DiscoDown]

Basically my whole existence in queues.

Go for my booster the other day .................. strictly appointment only ................... the woman in front has turned up 'on the off chance' to blag a booster. Cue a 5 minute conversation to explain why she won't be getting one whilst I hang about. JUST FECK OFF!
Ayresome Park ticket office back in the day ........................ season ticket holders only, voucher 'C' ............................... bloke in front hasn't got the voucher "'cos my mate keeps our tickets and he's out on the rigs and their lass doesn't know where they are". Cue a 5 minute conversation explaining why they're not getting a cup ticket. JUST FECK OFF!

If I'm in a queue anywhere the person in front ALWAYS has 'a story to tell'. I already know what will happen when we have to show vax passports at the Riverside. JUST FECK OFF!!!!!

Congrats. .. More internal que rage than me

 

[HundredRoom]

When you open a packet of biscuits, the first one is always broken

i never eat that one

 

[El Guapo]

It’s funny how the girls you fall in love with never fancy you, it’s funny how the ones you don’t do.

 

[NorthumberlandBoro]

It’s funny how the girls you fall in love with never fancy you, it’s funny how the ones you don’t do.

Unless you're lucky

 

[El Guapo]

Unless you're lucky

I’m not

 

[EuropeTwice]

It’s funny how the girls you fall in love with never fancy you, it’s funny how the ones you don’t do.

Airhead 1991?

 

[EuropeTwice]

Switching TV channels whenever the adverts come on only come across more adverts

 

[DrummerMan]

ANAL FISSURE / HEMORRHOIDS ? - I think nearly everyone has had a fissure or hemorrhoids at some point

 

[American_Mary]

That Mrs Brown’s Boys will be on BBC 1 on every Christmas Day evening.

You will hit every traffic light on red if you’re running late and if you’re running really late get behind a learner driver on their first lesson.

If you’re running late for a flight or train it will never be delayed if you’re early it always will be.

Approaching any venue with multiple entrances your ticket will be always be for the other side.

When abroad on holiday the U.K. will always experience a heatwave for the requisite days your away.

You will have nothing booked for weeks and weeks but as soon as you arrange something someone comes along and arranges another event on the same day.

 

[S7DiscoDown]

I was at home for 6 hours yesterday hoping a parcel would turn up as no tracking information. Then popped over the shop for 5 mins and returned to see the post van driving away and a card shoved through my letterbox.

Gutted

 

[sweet_left_foot]

F1 is bent

 

[Heine_Otto]

Whenever I go in the shower the wife chooses the exact same moment to turn on the washing machine and dishwasher, run all the other taps in the house, and flush the toilets.

 

[the_gin_soaked_boy]

Airhead 1991?

My immediate thought also....didn't they support Ride or someone at the Town Hall?

 

[tripleheader]

After life so strictly not on topic , your hair and nails continue to grow after your dead

 

[Cardiffdaffs]

Whenever I go in the shower the wife chooses the exact same moment to turn on the washing machine and dishwasher, run all the other taps in the house, and flush the toilets.

Combi boiler I presume. It’s absolute true

 

[Priv]

When you go to use an ATM there's always somebody else using it, even if it's 3am in the morning.

Then you have to awkwardly stand behind them or to the side of them at a distance which ensures they're not made to feel you're about to mug them.

Except when they go to put another card in afterward then you get as close as possible to make them feel uncomfortable so they b***r off

 

[Wyke Red]

If the oil price goes up fuel at the pumps goes up immediately
If the oil price goes down, fuel at the pumps might come down about two weeks later, but not at the same rate as the oil price has.

 

[Lemmy_kilmister]

When watching Only Fools and Horses 'Time On Our Hands', some one will always say at the end "They should have left it there".

 

[NorthumberlandBoro]

Boro will get a great win and someone will come on here whining about some minor issue.