Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Carlos Fandango

Well-known member
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss...

The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...

The ass hole is usually in charge...


A man was driving along a country lane when he noticed alongside him was a chicken keeping up with him. He glanced at his speedometer; he was doing 40 mph. Then he noticed the chicken had 3 legs. He accelerated to 50 mph. The chicken had no difficulty keeping up.. After a few minutes the chicken waved a wing at him and overtook him.
Up ahead of him the chicken turned left down a narrow driveway. He decided to follow the chicken and came to a farmyard. The chicken was nowhere to be seen, but there was the farmer in front of him. The farmer said, "What do you want?'"

He explained that he had been following a 3 legged chicken and was curious to know more.

The farmer said, "Oh, he would have been one of ours. We breed 3 legged chickens. That is our business." The man said, "Why do you do that? What is the point of a chicken having 3 legs?." .

The farmer said, " Think about it. You and your wife have a guest for dinner and you serve chicken, and all 3 of you would like a drumstick. This way everybody is happy."

The man said, "What does a 3 legged chicken taste like? Any different from the 2 legged ones." The farmer said, "I don't know. We have never managed to catch one."


Well-known member
A good Catholic boy brings a girl home to meet his mother.

"What do you do for a living?" his mother asks.

"I'm a prostitute" the girl replies.

His mother faints.

when she came round she called the girl over.

"I'm sorry about that dear. For a minute there I thought you'd said you were a protestant" .